My name is Laurie Dama, and yes, I am related to Katie and Allie – they are two of my many beloved nieces and nephews. I am 59 years old, I work in marketing, and my career has allowed me to live all over the US. I have worked for global ad agencies, single proprietor marketing firms, and I even did a 3-year detour as a wedding planner working in North America’s largest wedding shopping district located in Cincinnati, OH.
I am voracious reader of mysteries and thrillers and read an average of 3-4 Kindle books every week. Given a choice between reading or watching TV, I will always choose reading a good book. I am also a “crazy Cricut lady” and enjoy doing crafting projects and designing t-shirts for family and friends.
In 1993, I was in a car accident during a white-out snowstorm on the Ohio turnpike that totaled my car and left me in shock. About 3 months after the accident, I started experiencing pain all over my body and extreme fatigue. I “toughed” it out for several months and kept telling myself it would eventually get better. Then one day, I collapsed at work from the pain and exhaustion. Realizing I could no longer ignore my symptoms, I randomly chose a physician listed as a provider on my health insurance plan who had an office close to my home and made an appointment. During my first appointment this young doctor asked me a series of questions and gently pressed and squeezed various pressure points on my body while asking the level of pain I felt while he did so. He then explained that I had all the symptoms of fibromyalgia (which I had never heard of), explained what was known about the syndrome at that time, and prescribed me an antidepressant and a list of things I could do to manage the pain. I was lucky to be diagnosed as quickly as I was, and at a time when little was known about fibromyalgia. Most doctors either did not know what it was or considered it something that was “all in your head,” and not a physical medical condition. We have come far in the last 30 years, but the battle isn’t won yet. I still contend with people who are either ignorant about my condition and say things like, “you still have that?!” or don’t believe it is a real condition.
5 Invisible Symptoms
- Fatigue – there are days when getting out of bed or doing anything other than collapsing on the couch are all I can manage. These are the days when it feels like my limbs are made of concrete and I don’t have the physical or mental energy to move.
- Headaches that last for days – I can’t go a week without having a headache that lasts for days at time. No matter what I take for it, they do not let up and I battle through them. They are such a part of my daily life that I have learned to work and read through the pain because I cannot afford not to work, and I will not stop living my life to the best of my ability.
- Constant dull pain in my legs and arms – also feeling electrical shocks in my legs and feeling that cigarettes are being extinguished on my skin.
- Insomnia – the pain and headaches make it difficult to get comfortable at night and make sleeping difficult. Most nights I only get 3-4 hours of sleep.
- Depression, Anxiety, Panic Attacks – Pain and lack of sleep exasperate my depression and without anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication I would not be able to function at all. I am prone to sudden panic attacks that can last for days if I forget to take my medication.
4 Things That Help Me Manage Pain
- Resting – even if I can’t sleep, just being still and resting as much as I can helps me to remain functioning.
- Meditation – even 10 or 15 minutes of mindful breathing and reciting a calming mantra can help me “step out” of the pain for a while. It is also another way I rest my mind and release the tension I hold in my body from battling with physical pain.
- Laughter – it’s true that laughter is the best medicine, and I always try and find at least one thing to laugh at every day. I am lucky that I work with wonderful people who appreciate my sense of humor – being able to laugh with them makes getting through the workday a little easier when I am dealing with a flare-up or a headache.
- Heating pads – I love my heating pads! They help alleviate stiffness and tension in my body. I hold so much tension in my body because I fight against the pain all the time. Resting with moist heat on my joints helps me focus on where I am holding tension in my body and then I can breathe and meditate into those areas and relax them.
3 Ways My Life Has Changed
- I no longer strive for perfection. I’ve learned that “good enough” is more than adequate most days and a lot less mentally and physically exhausting. The dishes can wait for a few hours after dinner, and no one is going to die if I make a minor mistake on a report at work.
- I let people know when I don’t feel well. I am no longer afraid or ashamed to admit when I am struggling physically or mentally. I let people know what I need in terms of support to manage at work, and I am blessed my company allows me to manage when and where I work when I am having a difficult day or experiencing a bad flare-up.
- I must plan how I will manage navigating activities and outings. If I am going somewhere for the first time, I must plan on where I will park, how far I must walk, are there steps I must climb up and down, I must know the location of the restrooms, etc. Knowing how to navigate a location before I arrive makes it easier for me to ask for accommodations or help if needed. It also allows me to alleviate anxiety and feel more in control which means I can be present and enjoy the people I am with and the activity itself.
2 People Who Inspire Me
- My sister Madalena – she is a straight-up badass! She has MS but still manages to be physically active and fit. She is also a breast cancer survivor and is part of a breast cancer survivor dragon boat racing team! She does not let anything stop her and she fights like a warrior when faced with any obstacle. She also puts up with my unique brand of ‘weird’ and has been there supporting me when my depression and anxiety have been at their worst. I think there is nothing she can’t do when she puts her mind to it. Her courage and bravery are so inspiring.
- Katie – she never gives up and she has had plenty of reasons to throw in the towel and wallow in pity if she wanted to and no one would blame her. But she is also a warrior and fights when up against an obstacle. It has been so inspiring to watch her learn to advocate for herself and others. She may be nervous at times to speak up, but she always manages to put those feelings aside when staying silent isn’t an option. She is incredibly brave and courageous.
1 Thing You Want People to Know
No matter what you are dealing with in life you deserve to be seen, loved, and accepted. And often that love and acceptance must come first from within. Trust me, I know it’s easier said than done but it’s necessary. Loving yourself means advocating for yourself, trusting yourself and not letting others negate what you feel or how you experience the world. Having an invisible illness means that while others may not see what you are going through, you still must find the courage to make yourself seen and heard. And you can’t do that if you don’t believe you deserve to be. Fake it until you make it if you must but the more you practice, the easier it becomes. Your illness may be invisible but that doesn’t mean you are. Love yourself enough to have the courage to use your voice, shine your light, be seen, be messy, be loud, be loved, and be accepted for who you are and what you bring to the world. I SEE YOU AND CELEBRATE YOU!
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